“Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.”
2 Corinthians 3: 4-5
Hello, friends, and welcome back. Thank you, again, for reading. I have been struck over the past week with what a blessing it is when people just take the time to see you, so I thank you for lending your ten minutes to me.
As I have written before, the last few weeks have been a flurry of changes for me; as I approach my twentieth birthday, I find myself standing somewhere that I, frankly, never expected to find myself at twenty: single, on a leave of absence from school, working and writing, and preparing to live five hours from home. Though I am so excited for what the fall will bring, I do appreciate how very far this season is from what I had envisioned for myself.
Every decision I have made to get to this point has been fraught. At every forked path or precipice-moment, I have felt the tensions of fear, fretting, and self-doubt. What if I am not capable of what I seek to undertake? What if I haven’t considered every factor? What if there’s a secret third option that would actually be the better choice? What if I am making my choices for the wrong reasons? How will I know what I should do?
At every turn, I have doubted my ability to walk the right way: to make the best and most beneficial choice. I have laid awake at night worrying, trying everything to clear my mind as I run through what-ifs and pros and cons lists. I’ve tried every breathing technique and visualization strategy to shut off the decision-mania that runs inside my head, but, so far, I have only found one thing that works.
There is an image in the book of Revelation that burns behind my eyes when I can’t sleep. In Revelation 8: 3-4, the author recounts, “Another angel, who had a golden censer, came and stood at the altar. He was given much incense to offer, with the prayers of all God’s people, on the golden altar in front of the throne. The smoke of the incense, together with the prayers of God’s people, went up before God from the angel’s hand.”
Now, anyone who has studied Revelation can tell you that it is quite literally coded, and, as much as I might carry myself like I know everything, even I am not nearly arrogant enough to claim that I have a definitive interpretation of Revelation and the meanings or tangible truths of its many vivid and confusing images.
Yet, I do love the richness of that particular image in Revelation 8: the prayers of God’s people being lit–burning fragrantly in the throne room of God.
When I can’t sleep at night, when I’m afraid to stop thinking and turning over possibilities for fear of making the wrong choice, I pray my prayer in the fewest words possible. I ask for guidance, or discernment, or clarity, or humbly ask for God’s blessing. And I imagine my prayer being lit in the golden bowl. I imagine that even when I stop praying, or thinking, or worrying, my prayer and my problem will stay lit. Even after I let my decision or my fear leave my mind, it will stay burning before God’s mind. Even when I close my eyes and rest, God will still see and be at work.
We can rest because our God knows the problems and choices we are mired in, and, as long as we lift them up to our God, our God will make us competent.
Thank you for reading. All love and fragrant prayers and good vibes to you,
Molly Kate Hance
Molly Kate Writes 